started watching girls today
Devendra Banhart - Never Seen Such Good Things
i went out today and spent most of the day with friends. One of them rested his head on my shoulder while we were watching t.v. and it struck me that this has been the most human contact i have had since the last time i saw you. The warmth of his body made my body sleepy and warm and heavy. i started to drift back to the evenings when we first met, throwing down my key so you could let yourself in. From the very beginning i wanted to be our home. All the late night dinners and the sloppy drunk sex that would leave our bodies marked and sore. Later, you would tell me not to leave marks, not to be rough with you. You would remind me that you no longer drank the way you did when we first met. Now, i’m starting to realize that your thirst for cheap whiskey and cheap women go hand in hand.
It comes up in conversation and i tell the story of our post vacation break-up in a way that i know will get a few laughs. I tell it this way not just because i can find the humor in it but also because it’s the only way that i can talk about us. Most of them ask how i am doing and i tell them i am fine most of them are glad, few of them see behind the one liners, the self deprecation and ask again. i give in a bit and tell them my feelings are hurt but i’m ok. Right? ‘Its not like we see each other that much anyway…it’s not like i totally didn’t see it coming. ‘It’s not like it wasn’t inevitable’ i say this but, these are your words. At this point i usually start to ramble and realize that i am comforting myself. Reminding myself that we had a good run and how ready i am to move on and not be tied down, to not be involved. The topic gets changed quickly to cute boys, first kisses and the excitement of summer crushes and first dates. This always makes me giggle and laughing pushes back the tears pushes down the feelings and the weight of losing my best friend.
I’ll be the best girl you’d ever meet,
and for a diamond ring I’d do these kinds of things
Oh! Hey there, super dreamy 6’ 3” man with cool tattoos and salt and pepper hair who comes into my work and talks to me for hours and shows me pictures of his cat….Lets not talk about your wife. ok. thanks.
Double Dagger - Sleeping With The T.V. On